R.I.P Patches

Today is the worst day of my life and will forever be. As I am typing this tribute, my screen is blurry from all my tears and my nose is runny and it feels like my throat is closing in.

Today I had my gorgeous wonderful friend / pet / taken away from me. My cat Patches was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer in her intestines on March 14th, 2009. It is the worst kind of cancer anyone could have and my precious had to get it! So today we decided to put her down.

She fought so hard and she couldn't fight anymore. I was in the room with her with my mom and I lost it. I know that I didn't say goodbye to her because it was too hard for me to even say that knowing that I would lose her forever! She sometimes was the only reason why I'd wake up and now knowing that she is with God, I'll never see her again. I'll never wake up in the morning and find her downstairs walking around, playing, laying on my lap while I eat breakfast.

I know I didn't say my proper goodbyes to her, and she deserved it. I feel so guilty running out of that room when they stuck the needle in her to be put to sleep. So I am doing it now, hoping that she'll know that I love her and what I did in there wasn't because I hated her. I did it because I love her so much and that I couldn't see her die in front of me. I know that I'd do something that I would regret if I saw her die.

Patches, you taught me to love and to care and to not be selfish. I know that I did some bad things to you when I was younger and I wish that I could take it back. I wish that I could take back everytime I hit you when you did something bad. I wish I could take back it all and just love you till the end of time. I am so upset right now, Patches, that I don't know what to do without you. Please, just come back to me, anyway that you can so I know that you are alright in heaven.

I love you and you should never forget that. Everything I ever did to and for you is because I love you and I always will. You will always be in my mind forever and ever and you will never ever be replaced in my heart as long as I live.

I know that it will be sometime before we meet again in heaven but I need you to be strong and good up there. I need you to be good and be with God and please, just never forget me, never forget me and mom and dad and anyone else who loves you.

I can't believe it, that you are out of my life. I never thought this day would come and I hate it! I hate it that you are gone from me! I hate it that I will never see your precious face again. I hate it that I will never take you outside and watch you roll in the grass, and I hate that I will never hear your meow ever again! Please, don't leave me, I don't want to face this world sometimes without you! Just please, please come back to me even for a little while, just so I know that you are OK and that I can finally say goodbye to you!

Patches, I love you. Never forget that, sweetie! Forever and ever you will always be in my heart! I love you.